Distinguishing Characteristics
1-inch scar above my lip from Honey Homicide
Likes
The Beatles on vinyl, manual transmissions, slalom water skiing, Andre by the bottle, playing Guitar Hero on expert, Fight Club, Tim Burton, Reddit
Dislikes
Improper grammar, cats, tattooed men, short-heeled shoes, red wine, red lights, people who call skating "Rollerblading"...Rollerblade is a brand, they're called in-lines
Dirty Little Secret
Former high school, all-star and collegiate cheerleader...and I teach cheerleading camps on the side
Favorite Derby Moment
Literally skating into the ER and asking them to sew up my face
Bio
The only child of a rowdy Southern rebel and a Beatle-crazed hippie, Abbey Roadkill was raised a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. A free spirit with a deep southern disposition, she always tried to "give peace a chance," but found her index finger to be much more effective around a trigger than as part of a peace sign.
With a taste for both gunpowder and flower power, Abbey never quite fit in with either crowd. The hippies didn't approve of her concealed handgun license or the revolver in her purse, while the country folk disapproved of her psychedelic music - the Revolver in her stereo. Realizing Fort Worth just wasn't cut out to handle a woman of her caliber, she hightailed it down to Austin - the hippie town hidden deep in the heart of Texas.
Home to both liberals and longhorns, Austin had the best of both worlds but was a little too mellow for Abbey's taste. Despite her strong hippie heritage, she preferred a little gin with her yin and some twang with her yang. In order to satisfy her wild side, she saddled up with the Lonestar Rollergirls of TXRD, the original banked-track league of the wild wild west. (She had considered flat track derby in the past but found that flat track leagues, much like flat-chested women, were just too easy and didn't stir up enough excitement no matter how you looked at em.)
In the end, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were the perfect fit for Abbey's radical attitude and rowdy nature. With 1969 on her back and four-wheel drive on each foot, she's found her calling and never looking back.